A Teaching Moment: A Closer Look at Challenging Behaviors

All Behaviors are Communication

Have you ever thought, “Why is my child yelling? Crying? Hitting me? Not using their words?”

Well, you’re not alone.

All behaviors are communicating SOMETHING!

Children who have limited language skills still have the desire and need to communicate. If they are not able to get their message across with words, behaviors such as crying, hitting, kicking, screaming, or even biting may occur. This is the child’s way of saying, “I need your help!” Here’s where our job as parents/educators/clinicians begins to help children who are often times labeled as “misbehaving” express themselves in a more appropriate way. When given the right tools, these behaviors can and often do disappear as quickly as they began.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

Listen

If your child becomes upset, get on your child’s level. This simple posture change lets your child know you are listening to them and can de-escalate a situation.

Teach

Provide two choices to your child. Use hand gestures by turning your palm facing upward when you say each choice to provide visual support. If possible, you can even hold each item in one hand for your child to see if they need more help with understanding.

Praise

Repeat the child’s attempt (even if it is not perfect, they are trying, and that is okay!), praising them for trying to communicate with you.

Ready to give it a try? Which option would you choose?

Scenario: Abby, a 24 month old child, is crying in the middle of the store because she wants her juice.

Option #1:

Abby’s parent immediately gives her the juice to calm her. They know that is what she wants and that will calm her down quickly. They feel slightly irritated that she is making such a scene.

Option #2:

Abby’s parent kneels down to get on eye level with her and asks, “Do you want crackers or juice?” while holding each of these in their hands for her to see. Even though they know Abby wants the juice, they realize that Abby is crying because she is trying to communicate given the skills that she has, and this is a great opportunity for her to learn! After hearing the choices, Abby starts to calm down and says, “Duce!” Immediately, her parent says, “That’s great telling me you want juice! Here you go!”

Did you pick Option #2?

Great! You’re already off to a great start in helping your child to communicate. Grow with Words is here to take your skills to the next level by offering a variety of parent-child classes for all children. Contact us today to get started!

Additional Pro Tips:

If your child is not yet using words, this strategy still works! Remember, ANY attempt at communicating should be encouraged. This may be simply looking at you, reaching/pointing to the desired object, or saying words.

This same strategy can be applied to older children to help them meet their needs as well. Their needs might not be as tangible as that of a younger child. For example, if your child is acting out, they can be offered a break or time to take some deep breaths together. Offering solutions rather than punishing a child for their outbursts is not only backed by research, but it sets a child to be successful in the future.

If the behavior is occurring with another child involved, be sure everyone is safe before proceeding. Try to check in with both children if possible, modeling empathy and understanding with each child.

Always remember, Behavior = Communication